An Utter Failure...

What is it about us that makes us think we always have to have "IT" together? I mean ...Let's be honest , do you feel encouraged when you are around people who have it all together? They just downright make me ill. I mean sometimes I catch myself even looking closer just so I can find a stinking fault, somewhere. You would swear they are never in a bad mood. They never would yell at their precious little wonderful, perfect children. They don't argue with their spouses. In fact, they don't even engage in conflicts with anyone. They always wake up on the right side of the bed. And the best part for me ...the really BIG LIE, is that they actually try to convince you that being so Perfect comes naturally. ha, ha, ha... I mean they want you to believe that it is easy. I mean don't you just want to be like them. They are convinced you should be just like them because you are so flawed and they can see, by your obvious imperfections, that you just haven't arrived. ugh...You mean after being a christian for 24 years you struggle with insecurities. yeah. And after homeschooling for 17 years you struggle with insecurity. yes. And after being married to the same christian man after 28 years you still struggle with insecurity. yes. Let me assure you it is not easy trying to be perfect. It is not easy trying to convince others we are without flaws. It is downright exhausting. Isn't it? Please be honest with yourself, here. What are we trying to prove? God knows all those flaws and all those gifts. He is what I like to call, up close and personal. Many christians would never agree that they were prideful. They are just trying to attain God's standard. That's funny because his standard is simple. Yield. what? Isn't it Holyness? Nope. If we fail in areas of our lives, don't we just have to try harder? Nope. Simply , yield. Say Uncle. Wow, didn't you just hate it when someone got the best of you when you were a kid and they made you "humble" yourself and say uncle. But that's exactly what God does in our lives. He sets us up in things He knows we can't accomplish without His help. Things like homeschool. What kind of a crazy person wants to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with their children? Not to mention , taking on the humongous endeavor of the resposibility to educate them. Who would do that for a logical reason? Homeschooling is hard, no ,it is a lot of the times impossible. You see that's what our heavenly Father glories in...our failures. What? Stick with me. Think about what you feel like when you are around perfect people. Do you feel accomplished? How about encouraged? How about adequate? The bible speaks so clearly on this topic...comparing themselves with themselves they are unwise...and the fear of man is a snare. Some of us even carry the lie that we are trying to please God. Ha. God resists the proud. He gives grace to the humble. Quick pick a side. Oh , so you think you can somehow ride the fence? Only pride would make another person feel inferior. ouch. You see in order to keep up appearance, you pretend to be something you are not. Oh, I hear you saying, I don't pretend to be something I'm not. Pretending to be perfect is a lie. You see when I thought I was doing a great job juggling all the areas in my life, in my logic, I could see how others would see our well behaved children and they would ask us about our faith. Don't get me wrong that has happened and the bible says to be ready to give an answer for what you believe. But my point is that the illusion is , the pride, tells us that we have done something right. For some of us , the enemy tells us that we have done everything right. Ew. How affirming for your ego..Where is God in that? "You see I just pulled up my boot straps and read this wonderful child training book.... " "Children are just blank slates..they are what you make them..... " That's disgusting! God says I knew you before you were even 1 day old. I formed you in your mother's womb. They are not objects to further our reputation! We serve a personal God who made each and every one of us different. I could see how God could use my life when it looked beautiful. But how could He want me to fail and make mistakes? How could He be glorified in that? The people that I have come in contact with that have impacted me in mighty ways in my relationship with God have experienced pain, and suffering. You see pain and suffering changes who you are. And if you are wise in the knowledge of God, you will change what you are relying on. Self-reliance and Self-righteousness, in my opinion, are disgusting to God. I am convinced that they smell like sour garbage. It says to God- I don't need you and I got this all figured out. Remember what I said earlier. Yield. You see the question is really about what's important to you. Have you built yourself such a reputation that God is no longer controlling your steps. Are you willing to allow God to reveal to others that you are a failure? Are you wanting a relationship with Him enough to stop striving and start trusting Him? With everything? Your past mistakes...even. Can He really turn the ugly things that we have done into beauty? Are we willing to yield what we look like on the outside and exchange it for True Love lived out? A Love that makes no sense. A Love that would make itself of "no reputation" and hang on a cross and yield even unto death so all might have a true relationship with God. Love lived out, trust in God , lived out, that's what "failures" are looking for. For when I am weak then He is strong...