Sunday, October 11, 2009

An Utter Failure...

What is it about us that makes us think we always have to have "IT" together? I mean ...Let's be honest , do you feel encouraged when you are around people who have it all together? They just downright make me ill. I mean sometimes I catch myself even looking closer just so I can find a stinking fault, somewhere. You would swear they are never in a bad mood. They never would yell at their precious little wonderful, perfect children. They don't argue with their spouses. In fact, they don't even engage in conflicts with anyone. They always wake up on the right side of the bed. And the best part for me ...the really BIG LIE, is that they actually try to convince you that being so Perfect comes naturally. ha, ha, ha... I mean they want you to believe that it is easy. I mean don't you just want to be like them. They are convinced you should be just like them because you are so flawed and they can see, by your obvious imperfections, that you just haven't arrived. ugh...You mean after being a christian for 24 years you struggle with insecurities. yeah. And after homeschooling for 17 years you struggle with insecurity. yes. And after being married to the same christian man after 28 years you still struggle with insecurity. yes. Let me assure you it is not easy trying to be perfect. It is not easy trying to convince others we are without flaws. It is downright exhausting. Isn't it? Please be honest with yourself, here. What are we trying to prove? God knows all those flaws and all those gifts. He is what I like to call, up close and personal. Many christians would never agree that they were prideful. They are just trying to attain God's standard. That's funny because his standard is simple. Yield. what? Isn't it Holyness? Nope. If we fail in areas of our lives, don't we just have to try harder? Nope. Simply , yield. Say Uncle. Wow, didn't you just hate it when someone got the best of you when you were a kid and they made you "humble" yourself and say uncle. But that's exactly what God does in our lives. He sets us up in things He knows we can't accomplish without His help. Things like homeschool. What kind of a crazy person wants to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with their children? Not to mention , taking on the humongous endeavor of the resposibility to educate them. Who would do that for a logical reason? Homeschooling is hard, no ,it is a lot of the times impossible. You see that's what our heavenly Father glories in...our failures. What? Stick with me. Think about what you feel like when you are around perfect people. Do you feel accomplished? How about encouraged? How about adequate? The bible speaks so clearly on this topic...comparing themselves with themselves they are unwise...and the fear of man is a snare. Some of us even carry the lie that we are trying to please God. Ha. God resists the proud. He gives grace to the humble. Quick pick a side. Oh , so you think you can somehow ride the fence? Only pride would make another person feel inferior. ouch. You see in order to keep up appearance, you pretend to be something you are not. Oh, I hear you saying, I don't pretend to be something I'm not. Pretending to be perfect is a lie. You see when I thought I was doing a great job juggling all the areas in my life, in my logic, I could see how others would see our well behaved children and they would ask us about our faith. Don't get me wrong that has happened and the bible says to be ready to give an answer for what you believe. But my point is that the illusion is , the pride, tells us that we have done something right. For some of us , the enemy tells us that we have done everything right. Ew. How affirming for your ego..Where is God in that? "You see I just pulled up my boot straps and read this wonderful child training book.... " "Children are just blank slates..they are what you make them..... " That's disgusting! God says I knew you before you were even 1 day old. I formed you in your mother's womb. They are not objects to further our reputation! We serve a personal God who made each and every one of us different. I could see how God could use my life when it looked beautiful. But how could He want me to fail and make mistakes? How could He be glorified in that? The people that I have come in contact with that have impacted me in mighty ways in my relationship with God have experienced pain, and suffering. You see pain and suffering changes who you are. And if you are wise in the knowledge of God, you will change what you are relying on. Self-reliance and Self-righteousness, in my opinion, are disgusting to God. I am convinced that they smell like sour garbage. It says to God- I don't need you and I got this all figured out. Remember what I said earlier. Yield. You see the question is really about what's important to you. Have you built yourself such a reputation that God is no longer controlling your steps. Are you willing to allow God to reveal to others that you are a failure? Are you wanting a relationship with Him enough to stop striving and start trusting Him? With everything? Your past mistakes...even. Can He really turn the ugly things that we have done into beauty? Are we willing to yield what we look like on the outside and exchange it for True Love lived out? A Love that makes no sense. A Love that would make itself of "no reputation" and hang on a cross and yield even unto death so all might have a true relationship with God. Love lived out, trust in God , lived out, that's what "failures" are looking for. For when I am weak then He is strong...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Here are just a few of the pictures we took on the road to colorado springs....

Here we are at the alamo, in texas .

This is on the roads near san antonio, texas.

The highway leading up to colorado springs, co.

Just beautiful..

This is the photo we took from our hotel room in los vegas, new mexico on monday.

My kids at the alamo , san antonio , texas on Sunday.

This pictures was taken on the highway leading up to colorado springs, co. on tuesday.
We have safely arrived after Joseph puking for two days in the car, a broken hose, almost running out of gas on a huge stretch of road with nothing, and lots of other fun stuff. What can I say , we made it and already have seen some really wonderful things God has created...we are in awe...the highlight of this trip, other than finding a lone gas station, hallelulia, was the "BAT FLIGHT" we witnessed at dusk in Carlsbad was that awesome, cannot be described in words. Homeschool moms check it out and do a search about this the bats exit the cave at dusk and return at dawn, no kidding millions flying just a few feet overhead....God's creation is so amazing to me. He has wonderful plans for us even when we don't recognize the things that happen to us as His plans...

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Looking for rest

Looking for rest can be a very frustrating experience....yes? I mean if you have experienced insomnia, you know what I have so many things on your to do list and you just feel like you desperately need to sleep, but your mind and sometimes your body just will not cooperate. Sometimes it happens to me at the worst times, times when I know I have to get rest. Sometimes when it is especially stressful; like the night before I went to see my son off to Iraq. Sleep was nowhere to be found. But sometimes when I am especially excited; like the night before we took our family to Disney World , I just quit fighting it and spent the whole night downloading crazy music for Mike to keep us entertained. The funny part is I usually can't sleep on a plane or in a car unless I am sick. This makes for interesting travel. But, what about rest in life. Jesus went away from the needs of many for quiet and rest and spent time listening to The Father. Why do I have so much trouble finding rest in my life? Is it the Martha syndrome; fretting, and worried, and striving. Why do we do that? For me, the opposite of striving is trusting and peace. If I will just stop and lay those cares at the feet of Jesus and trust that He will take care of these and work out His plan and His will for whatever it is that is troubling me: I will find peace and rest in my soul. I have always considered Psalm 23 one of my favorites. Recently, I was impressed by a specific portion of that Psalm where it reads- He makes me lie down in (fresh, tender) green pastures: He leads me beside the still and restful waters. He refreshes and restores my life (my self)... OK , did you get that HE MAKES ME ...... Apparently , I am not alone in this quest for rest and God sees and understands that He has to make me lie down. Especially when things are chaotic and not so perfect in my life. When things are not " as I would like them to be" or when they are so piled up I can't see an end in sight. That's when, in my silly human frailty, I don't have the wisdom to realize I can't do it alone. So many times out of sheer exhaustion and at the end of myself, I finally come to Him, my creator. He gives me rest and requires me to trust and rest and sit still. What an awesome God we serve. He placed in us our weaknesses that we might glorify Him and have a relationship with Him so that He might use our weaknesses and gifts to His Glory. I thank God that He makes me to lie down. I will , at times , run myself ragged. (and sometimes do). It is such a lie from Satan that moms have no needs. And we can just go and go and go like the energizer bunny. I thank God that I don't have it all together and my life isn't all figured out. Even though I don't always(in my flesh) like it, I am so grateful that He created me weak and frail... and He doesn't leave me in my disgusting self-righteous ,resourceful, supermom state. The end of that verse reads- and through the length of my days the house of the Lord (and His presence) shall be my dwelling place. OH, to be in a constant state of mind and spirit, to be in His presence, to dwell there....what a dream, what a reality .

Sunday, August 9, 2009


Transgression- the 1828 dictionary descibes it as one who commits a fault, offense, or crime. Psalm 36 says Transgression (like an oracle)speaks to the wicked deep in his heart. There is no fear or dread of God before his eyes. dread - awful and terrible. For he flatters and deceives himself in his own eyes that his iniquity will not be found out and be hated. The words of his mouth are wrong and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good. deceives- to cause to beleive what is false. Matthew says take heed that no man deceive you. Do not be mocked whatsoever a man sows that shall he reap. So how and why does the enemy get away with deceit especially where it concerns God's people. We have his word and he tells us very clear...woe to him who calls evil good and good evil... How do we get does this happen... How do we tell ourselves that gross sin will go unpunished, that my sin will not affect others? That somehow the laws of order God has set up do not apply to us. That if we sin, we will not be found out. That it will not lead to the destruction of other innocent people or that it will not bring death to our lives. Death to our relationships. Death to those who trust us to do what is right. There is a way that SEEMS right to a man , but the end thereof is death. How can we be so deceived .... I have heard it said that in the quietness , when no one is watching, when you feel like no one would ever find out, or see what you are doing......that is what character really looks like. Even if no one would ever find out , A FOOL says in his heart there is no God....No GOD.....We think we know better than Him....that his word and his judgement are meant for others. Verse 4 it says he sets himself in a way that is not good; he does not reject or despise evil....there is a purpose he sets himself, a choice....they refuse to see evil for what it is.
But, Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, extend to the skies, and Your faithfulness to the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mountains of God...... God is faithful even when we are not He will bring justice to pass..wait patiently for Him , no need to strike back against the evil that comes to steal , kill, and destroy us when we are beleivers in His Word.. He will bring about THE TRUTH eventually. He is EL ROI ...the God who sees. Thank you Jesus, in a day where evil is aggessive and seeking us, that You see everything and You are a Just God...

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

God's Miraculous Hand

The Hand of God never ceases to amaze me..... As a believer, you pray and pray for something. You want things to be different than they are. You know it is in line with God's will and his plan. And you just stand and you pray. Every day , in faith , you awaken in the same sad state, sometimes in your crisis you are wondering if you will ever be delivered to a sweeter place in victory. You wonder what you are supposed to learn, and whether you brought these evil things upon your own life. In the stillness, while you are waiting, sometimes you hear His gentle voice giving you hope and encouragement. Sometimes you actually have done some things to open the door to evil. Sometimes you are just serving the Lord and struggling just to survive. But what amazes me is, in our human weakness, when we feel like we just can't go on; and everything in our flesh says we are crazy to believe God will intervene. That's when God and your faith come rushing out of the transition stage of labor, as my friend, Elizabeth puts it, and into the incredible, joyous , and wonderful birth of something beautiful. I know the ladies who have had babies might not remember the pregnancy or the amount of weight they gained or even whether they were sick or tired. But if they have been to the transition stage of labor even once, they will remember , all you want to do is quit, give up, and you will do just about anything to make it stop. The problem is if you can just hold on a very short time longer....the birth. And what an emotional high that is to see the beauty of birth. What a beautiful joy to hold the most incredible thing you think God has ever created..... I have seen His miracles even today and I am elated that he still cares for me enough to hear my cry and attend unto my need. I am humbled before a mighty God and grateful for today....


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